


some kind of disaster

by minmoongi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:14:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minmoongi/pseuds/minmoongi
Summary: There's very little Yukhei wouldn't do for Mark.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	some kind of disaster

Yukhei has made plenty of mistakes in his life.

The biggest of them all is Mark Lee.

And perhaps that’s a little bit unfair of him to say, because Mark has held a significant place in his life for a long time now, and it really isn’t until recently that they’ve began to fuck up. And maybe Yukhei deserves a little break too because this isn’t his mistake alone. He wasn’t even the one who came up with the idea in the first place.

Nevertheless, he still allowed it to happen. And Yukhei can blame it all on a number of things, like the heat of summer making them feel more antsy than usual, or the fact that the both of them are in the middle of a _drought_ and haven't had any way to relieve their frustrations. Maybe it’s just Yukhei being selfish, thinking that if he can’t have Mark any other way, then he’d gladly have him like this.

This. Hovering over him as he lies flat on his back on Mark’s bed, with his hands tangled in Mark’s hair, calling Mark’s name like it’s a prayer as Mark works his mouth down Yukhei’s dick.

Yukhei doesn’t like dwelling on mistakes because they’re in the past; prefers to live in the present because he's in control. 

This. Yukhei can still do something about _this._ About _them_. They’ve started the fire and they’re burning, and Yukhei still has the choice to put it out before they completely go down in flames.

This. Yukhei takes full responsibility for this. 

How he lets Mark undress him further, pulling his jeans and underwear off all the way. How he lets himself undo the button of Mark’s shirt, lets his hands roam all over Mark’s chest, down to his abs, and then to his dick straining in his pants.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Mark whispers, breath fanning into Yukhei’s mouth. 

Yukhei tries to lift himself off the bed to reach his lips, but Mark jerks away, and there’s barely half-an-inch between them but he’s still so far. Too far. And it’s driving Yukhei mad.

“I don’t want to stop,” Yukhei answers, hands grabbing on Mark’s biceps, desperately wanting him closer. Mark simply cracks a smile at his response, and doesn’t waste any more time leaning down to meet Yukhei in an open-mouthed kiss. 

From then on, Yukhei lets the fire swallow them whole, hoping miraculously, that they’ll be able to make it out alive in the end.

  
  
  
  


This is how the fire starts.

There are only a few things Yukhei wouldn’t do for Mark.

They’ve talked about this once before when they were in high school, if he would help hide a body if Mark asked him to. If he would bail Mark out of jail if he got arrested by the police. Or if he would lend Mark an amount that would easily comprise his life savings if Mark asked. 

Yukhei likes to think he’s loyal, that if it comes down to it, he wouldn’t think twice about saying ‘yes’ if Mark asked. _Yeah, if you killed someone, I’d help you bury it ten feet underground. Of course, if you need someone to bail you out in the middle of the night, I’m your guy. No questions asked, I’d give you any amount you ask for, even if I might not ever get it back._

It was always hypothetical anyway; just some form of reassurance that Yukhei will stay by his side.

And it’s not like Mark has any doubts about him, but sometimes he just wants to be reassured. He wants to be reminded that Yukhei will always be his ride or die, his _if you jump, I jump_ kind of person, because he’s Mark’s too.

When he asks the question again years later, he’s pretty pleased to know Yukhei’s answer hasn’t changed.

“There's very little I wouldn’t do for you,” Yukhei says mindlessly, eyes trained on his phone instead of Mark lying sideways at the end of his bed. He has no idea where Mark’s question is going to go, so he doesn’t answer it quite seriously. “I’d take a bullet for you if I had to.”

“That’s touching,” Mark replies, holding a hand above his heart. “Good thing the favor I’m about to ask for isn’t as lethal or morally compromising.”

Mark might’ve wanted to think twice about that second one. 

“What is it then?” Yukhei asks. He only realizes how serious Mark is when the silence stretches out too long, and when he looks up at Mark, he sees that Mark is struggling to say what’s on the tip of his tongue. “What?”

Mark clears his throat and presses his lips into a crooked smile. 

“Would you fuck me if I asked?”

One second stretches to five, then ten, then fifteen, and Yukhei waits for him to say it’s hypothetical too, some sort of twisted friendship test that Mark came up with to satisfy his curiosity and definitely not _something else._ It never comes.

“You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to,” Mark says with a shake of his head. 

See, Yukhei isn’t blind or stupid. He especially isn’t numb. There has always been some odd tension stretched thin between them that had always been on the verge of snapping. Yukhei senses it when he takes his shirt off during track practice and catches Mark unable to meet his gaze. Sometimes he isn’t able to hide it well too, when he stares a second too long at Mark stepping out of the showers, towel hanging too low on his waist.

No, Yukhei just chooses to turn a blind eye. He was resolute in trying not to cave, and he’d always been certain that Mark would be too. Until now.

“Like I said,” Yukhei answers, returning to his book. He doesn’t really have the courage to look at Mark and see his reaction when he says, “There’s very little I wouldn’t do for you.”

From the corner of his eyes, he sees the corners of Mark’s lips turn into a full-blown grin, so Yukhei knows he answered Mark’s question correctly.

And all hell breaks loose from there.

  
  
  


Life goes on.

For Mark, it doesn’t seem to be much of a big deal. The way he looks at Yukhei, the way he talks to him, the way he treats him, none of them really change. They’re still Mark and Yukhei, Yukhei and Mark, the same way they’ve always been.

To him, Mark is still the same kid who had the patience to talk and understand the foreigner who was still in the early stages of learning Korean. He’s the same friend Mark had cried to when his beloved grandmother had passed away. He’s the same person Mark wouldn’t hesitate to share anything with, because he’s Mark’s best friend, and he’s been that way ever since they met.

The only difference is, now he knows what Mark looks like when he comes. He knows what he sounds like when he’s desperate for release. He knows how he loves hearing his name and being told he’s doing such a good job. He knows what it’s like to hold him in his arms at his most vulnerable state.

So, Yukhei wonders how Mark could act like the way they were before, because Yukhei _can’t_.

He tries his hardest to act like it isn’t a big deal, and thankfully, so far he hasn’t slipped up yet, but he’s barely hanging on by a thread, and the only thing that’s keeping him falling is the fear that has settled deep in his gut that if he can’t act like it’s all nothing, he’ll eventually lose everything.

  
  
  


“Who was the last person you slept with other than me?” 

It’s a lazy day, the kind where everything moves half-time and makes them unproductive for the rest of the day. Mark had asked to come over a couple of hours ago, claiming that the AC in Yukhei’s flat is going to help him focus on studying. Yukhei knew better than to believe that; knew all along it was going to end with Mark’s books disregarded on his table, and him under Yukhei’s sheets, doing something entirely different than his homework.

Mark flips on his stomach so he’s looking at Yukhei who’s pushed himself up against the headboard to get a better view of Mark. Yukhei narrows his eyes at him and says, “I don’t think I want to answer that question.”

But that just seems to further fuel Mark’s curiosity instead of extinguishing it. “Oh my god, is it someone I know? Was it recent?” 

Yukhei takes the pillow on his side and playfully smacks it on Mark’s face. “Give it up. I’m not answering any question pertaining to my bedroom activities.”

“No fun,” Mark grumbles under his breath with a pout. “At least tell me if I’m cuter.”

“That won’t do anything but inflate your ego,” Yukhei says. “You answer it then. Who was the last person you slept with?”

Mark hums in thought. “Kim Jongin?”

Yukhei’s jaw drops to the floor. 

“You slept with _who_?”

“Yeah, he’s cute. A little kinky. A little too much for me,” Mark says it like it’s no big deal at all, ignoring the horrified look on Yukhei’s face. “You’re cuter.”

“And more vanilla, apparently.”

“Yeah,” Mark nods with a big dumb grin. “Just the way I like it though.”

  
  
  


One time, when they’re lying on the cold hard ground of Mark’s balcony, stupidly drunk from all the bottles of soju they manage to empty, Yukhei musters up the courage to ask one of the questions he’d been meaning to ever since they started this entire arrangement. 

“What made you ask me?” Yukhei manages to utter out without slurring his words, turning his head a little to peek at Mark beside him, who turns his head so he can look at Yukhei too. “What made you decide that you wanted to do this with me?”

Mark doesn’t even bat an eye at his vagueness; already knows what Yukhei wants to know. Instead of taking it as a joke, like Yukhei had somewhat predicted, Mark actually, seriously takes a moment to think about it. 

“Let’s be real, Yukhei. You’re really attractive. I think I spent a good two years in high school crushing on you.”

Yukhei snorts. “You’re kidding.” _He’s kidding. God, has he seen himself in the mirror?_

Mark just smiles to himself, turning again to look back at the sky. “I was curious. And frustrated. Bad combo, right? I didn’t think you’d agree, and if you turned me down it would’ve been fine too. No harm, no foul, no bruise, y’know?”

 _Too late for that_ , Yukhei thinks.

“But you said ‘yes’ and it completely caught me off-guard,” Mark continues. “Believe it or not, I thought long and hard about whether this was a bad idea.” And Yukhei guesses that Mark must still think that it isn’t, or else they wouldn’t be here right now, at this moment, at this hour. “It’s always been easy with you.”

“You know you can end this at any time, right?” Mark adds a bit later when Yukhei doesn’t answer, and _boy has he never been more wrong in his entire life._ “We can go back to the way we were before if you want to.”

Mark might not be making any mistakes, but Yukhei is. Yukhei has spent some time considering this too like Mark, if the pros were worth the cons or if it was worth a bit of effort and pain. 

And he made his choice. He deliberately digs his grave, deeper and deeper the longer he lets this on. He wonders how many more mistakes he can afford to make before he’s completely broken down, but for now he thinks he can still hold on. For now, if Mark is satisfied with what they are, Yukhei thinks that could be enough for him.

He has a lot to lose. Mark thinks they haven’t changed, but they have done a complete 180, whether Yukhei cares to admit it or not. If he walks away now, he walks away broken and torn apart. Letting it go on for longer isn’t much of a good choice either, but it lets him have a longer hold on Mark. For that, he thinks, he’s willing to bear the pain for a bit longer.

  
  
  


It’s definitely not love. Or else, Mark would be spiraling down with the same dilemma as him.

_It’s always been easy with you._

Yukhei wishes he could say the same. But whereas Yukhei serves as some kind of hobby Mark can just turn to anytime without any problems, Mark is completely different than just that to him.

  
  
  


Now, every time they fuck, Yukhei always acts like it’ll be their last.

Mostly because he’s certain that this will end at some point, and he simply wants to make the most out of it while he can. Partly because he knows they won’t really be able to go back to the way they were before, and he wants to remember every bit of it if he could.

Mark, on the other hand, is a bit more hopeful.

“You know, in relationships like this, people either end up hating each other or falling in love,” Yukhei points out casually as they’re lounging on Mark’s couch. He’d been the one to choose the movie they’re watching, but the hand Mark has running up and down his leg has distracted him in the last fifteen minutes.

“Where do you think we’ll end up?” Mark asks.

Yukhei shrugs. “You tell me.”

Mark takes a breath and thinks. “We can make a third category just for us, something in between. Back as friends.”

“Is that what you want?”

Mark looks confused for a second, eyes blinking rapidly at Yukhei. He believes that there’s a gray area they can settle on, an ending where they’re on good terms. And that might be possible for him, but he’s not the one who’s spent some time in his life liking Yukhei.

“Is that…” he starts, unsure. “Is that not what you want?”

It doesn’t matter. Mark can force him to settle and forget, but Yukhei can’t force him to love and see him in a different way. What he wants is immaterial, because there isn’t a chance of it happening, so instead of getting the worst outcome, then he’d rather settle in the middle.

“Yeah,” Yukhei answers simply, eyes flitting back to the TV screen.

Later when the movie’s finished, he pulls Mark back to the bedroom, and he kisses him like he won’t be able to again, tells Mark to hold him and kiss him harder so he’ll remember longer, so he won’t forget. In the morning they’ll be back the way there were before, but not completely. Not really.

But Yukhei will move on and hopes that as time goes, he’ll be able to forget.

**Author's Note:**

> said i wouldn't write fwb ever again, unless it's the sequel to another fic, but i already have like,,, 2 other fwbs posted under different pseuds lmao
> 
> this is very late, but happy birthday to mah bff!!!! this sucks but i wanted to finish just one just ANY ONE of ur prompts lol ilu


End file.
